Ain't That A Kick In The Head
by Miss Higher Power
Summary: Puck learns a lesson. Written for the drabble meme at puckrachel on LJ. Prompt was morning announcements.


Quinn might've been onto something all those times she called him a moron.

It all starts with Finn and Rachel. They're totally into each other and all sick and in love...until school starts again. And then the glee club is kinda watching the whole thing implode. And he always thought that it would be Rachel's fault. Chick's right...she's totally high maintenance. He'd have figured they'd have broken up about 80 times, considering how much that girl loves to make a dramatic exit. Surprisingly, it's Finn that's doing the walking.

They last until the beginning of January, when Rachel finds out that even though she 'fessed up about the fact that she hadn't really done the deed with Pussy St. Douchebag, Finn hadn't told her the truth about bumping uglies with Santana. That shit there? That's an epic mistake. Quinn probably has a poster of him with the words "World's Worst Boyfriend" on it, so if he thinks it's a mistake, it's a mistake.

The glee club waits for Rachel to just break down. And he totally couldn't have blamed her (Kurt would've, but that dude has issues). But nothing happens. For weeks. Valentine's Day rolls around. Finn and Santana start knocking boots on a regular basis and still nothing. Whenever anyone asks how she is, she says "I'm fine, thank you for asking", gives them a blinding show smile (not her real smile), and immediately starts flapping her trap about something.

In March, Mr. Schue goes on an "international music" kick. He and Rachel are paired together for choreography on "Love You Anyway". She's not singing lead, but they really need her for harmonies. They're struggling already, but without her the song falls to crap. The two of them have been going along just fine, so he notices right away when she stops singing. She's still dancing, but she's not singing.

After the third time that Finn steps on Tina's foot coming out of a spin, Rachel asks for a break. She doesn't even wait for an answer, just bolts from the room. He makes it into the hall just as she's disappearing into the girls' bathroom.

He manages to convince Quinn to go make sure she's okay. Don't call him insensitive.

Quinn finds her sobbing in one of the stalls. And it's not even because she wants Finn back. It's because she's lonely. Some maternal instinct shit that Quinn tried to bury suddenly comes to the surface and suddenly almost all his free time is spent with Rachel, Quinn and Mercedes.

In April, he and the Witches of Eastwick (yeah, that shit's brilliant) are supposed to go to the Laser Queen show at the planetarium, but Mercedes' grandma has a stroke and she and Quinn bail. That leaves him and Rachel.

"Well, we can postpone until Mercedes and Quinn can attend with us. I'm sure you have better ways to spend your Saturday." Why does she always have to do that? Make it sound like it's this huge ass chore to spend time with her. When she unclenches for like five minutes, she's actually kinda awesome.

"Fuck, Rach. I got a full tank and if I go home now, my mom'll make me mow the lawn or help her with spring cleaning or some shit. So grab your coat and let's bounce."

He spends like half the show watching Rachel.

So it shouldn't come as shock that they hook up at the end of April. But it totally does. When he finds a chick he wants to do, there's a goal, some effort, and a plan. Not a lot of effort, 'cause have you seen him? He's a stud. But some effort. Not with Rachel.

One minute they're laughing about some movie he'd've bet good money she'd never heard of and the next he's balls deep in Rachel Berry. And then it's like he fucking blinks and she's dressed saying "Thank you" in her little Disney princess voice and she's gone.

And when he sees her at school the next day? She totally acts like nothing even happened. Fuck his life.

See, now he doesn't know if he pretends like it never happened. Or if he gets all lame and asks her about it.

When it keeps happening, he figures he doesn't need to ask. If she had a problem, they wouldn't still be fucking.

And it's awesome, 'cause they spend all of their time together over the summer. Sometimes they hang out with Chocolate and Vanilla Thunder, but mostly they hang out together. Mostly without clothes on. Double awesome.

But then him mom has to go and ruin it by calling Rachel is girlfriend at dinner one night. And he's all "Ma, she's not my fucking girlfriend. Back the fuck off." Which earns him a Gibbs slap (seriously, he knows his mom's got serious lady wood for Mark Harmon, but if she doesn't stop Gibbs slapping him, his brain is legit gonna fly out his eye sockets).

Later that night, she gets all quiet and says if he doesn't want to tell anyone about them, she's cool with keeping them on the quiet. He just says "cool". Check one for moron.

And then they're back at school, and is it just him or do her skirts seem shorter this year? And suddenly he notices that every guy in the fucking school notices her short skirts. And he can't even fucking do anything about it because they're "just friends". Check two for moron.

Fuck that noise.

But every time he tries to bring it up, Rachel tells him that he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't feel comfortable with and changes the subject. Isn't she supposed to have to chase him around trying to get him to agree to be her boyfriend? This ain't natural.

The day that he sees Karofsky practically pinning her against her locker is the day that he loses his shit. Girl is his. No one touches his stuff (some lessons didn't stick in kindergarten).

And if Rachel won't talk to him (unnatural) then he's gonna do it the hard way.

Artie hooks him up with some dude in the a/v club that does one of the school's intercom radio shows. He pays the dweeb well to get his message on the air.

His announcement plays the next morning before homeroom.

"This next song is classic. Queen's Killer Queen goes out to Rachel Berry, requested by her boyfriend, Puck."

Quinn can't say he doesn't learn from his mistakes.


End file.
